steppenboy

photos as of may 2006

2006-05-27T16:04:00.000-04:00

here is me.

2006-05-18T20:33:00.000-04:00

PHOTOS

2006-04-15T17:28:00.000-04:00

it's a feckin miracle.

photos of the androgynous android creation himself, d a x ! !

enjoy, boys ghouls and hung hairy men whom i KNOW are drooling over this journal.

(hah, in my dreams.)

8th and 9th shot of T - Mar 27 + Apr 10!

2006-04-15T16:04:00.000-04:00

i am a crazy fool. how could i not record?

well, to be quite frank, there haven't been many changes. my voice sounds relatively stable, but i can still make it squeak like a boy going through puberty.

armpit hair is hairy as it always has been pre-T. grown slightly more hair on legs and abdomen/happy trail

acne has stabilized, no more breakouts, i keep a reuglar regime of washing my face (no harsh anti-acne medication) and i'm fine

body smeel is the same as it always has been.

BUT NOW

MY STOMACH IS GROWING. i really need to work off this belly, its horribly unattractive. i want to be fit and toned not fleshy and out of shape.

eyebrow hair is a bit thicker and dark now, like medium/dark brown.

i have a very sparse shadow of a mustache now. thin dark brown hairs are invading upper lip territory.

my arse is hot as usual, but i want it to be more muscle and less flesh (don't know if it's ever possible to get rid of that and hip fat)

okay so pics in next entry.

oh and yes of course, i had S UR G ER Y!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

you will get to see all the gory details. i love gore and blood and nasty grotesque shit. on my won body is even better than seeing it in the movies.

2006-04-07T11:44:00.000-04:00

2006-04-02T23:09:00.000-04:00

7th shot of t - march 13th!

2006-03-17T00:16:00.000-05:00

this time i was in a gloomy unfocused state of mind, so i screwed up and was nervous.

i got paranoid about an air bubble, so i pulled the syringe out after sticking it all the way in, then wasted a squirt of testosterone, then got paranoid about the dribbled testosterone on the syringe possibly not being a good idea to slide through all that skin, so wiped the syringe off with an alcohol swab, and then poked a NEW hole. not a good idea. miraculously my muscle wasn't totally tensed up.

my zits are pretty bad. i am charging the battery for my digital camera right now [[my excuse for not taking photos all this time]

in summary

-mustache haris are slowly becoming visible as very sparse light brown roots

-i see two very thin light brown hairs on my chinny chin chin

-my dick is progressivly growing bigger. it is the size and color of an ERASERHEAD. okay, i love that movie, but i don't think there's such a word as eraserhead. it's like one of those pink erasers on the head of a standard no. 2 yellow school pencil. i also should clean the 'foreskin' like an uncut penis.

-my voice is lower. i will treat you with a voice post promptly after writing this.

-i have zits. i have acne, all over my forehead even a few as low as my cheek! i pop every one. i should stop or i'll get scars.

-i smell the same so far.

-i still pass as totally female.

-someone today told me my legs are very muscular and toned. i think its all the walking up stairs i do daily, but also could be the T.

-i'm scared. i want to inject myself every 2 weeks for probably my entire life. i am a nutty bloke, eh.

-i am trying not to be a sex addict. well, i was a fiend before my transition, but now i have more confidence and motivation to approach people. i'm realizing that i'm just more confident overall. it kinda creeped up on me. whereas before i'd get really nervous and feel nervous and worry about looking nervous, now i briefly think about being nervous but then i just do it. it's all good.

VOICE POST TIME!

2006-03-16T23:02:00.000-05:00

2006-03-07T23:13:00.000-05:00

6th shot of T - feb 27!

2006-03-07T23:05:00.000-05:00

it is one week after.

IMPORTANT CHANGES:

veins are popping out. in a good way. i now have visible veins on my hands and arms. i guess like a man.

i found ONE chin hair. it sprouted. its brown.

my mustache of peach fuzz is slowly growing a bit longer. so its still peach fuzz but may turn brown eventually.

i do have a tiny belly. maybe from eating far too much, maybe from the T depositing fat there instead of other areas.

my clitdick is bigger. its really cute and hot. i love it. how could i have lived without it?

i feel 'normal'. er, scratch that. i feel stable. about the same. no crazy emotional changes.

my voice is good, but the damn voice post isn't working. i'll try again tonight. i must've tried posting 3 or 4 . , ,,

things are good overall!

i have a meeting with my surgeon on friday, i hope to get surgery ASAP!

obliteration of savings account, heeeeere weeeeee coooooome#!@!@!@!@

5th shot of T - feb 13!

2006-02-14T18:06:00.000-05:00

excited!

my voice is sounding better than ever!

it was the alst time that i had to inject in a nurse's presence. i got the PRESCRIPTION (not getting them mailed, satan knows where i heard that from) for the syringes, needles, and even a fancy BIOHAZARD bucket that has to be disposed of specially (the dirty needles go in there)

i'm so excited! well, i don't feel it. i'm still recovering from an ecstasy binge and feel pretty mellow/ya-might-say-depressive, but since my temperament has always been melancholic/nervous, it's normal to me.

sad and nervous. story of my life, hah.

okay, this is going to be posted in my regular journal, let me get to specifics --

-i swear that i notice more peach fuzz around my lips, where the mustache would be growing eventually

-my voice is deepening, the most prominent difference since i started injecting testosterone

-my sex drive is the same, still horny 24-7, buti have more confidence to approach people that i find attractive/interesting/want to bone/be boned by

-i can do push-ups more easily, but arm muscles aren't visibly much bigger

-photos must begin! even if i think i look dorky or horrid in them, i've got to post them. i want to document this.

that's all for now boys and ghouls XD

4th shot of T - jan. 30 '06

2006-02-05T11:59:00.000-05:00

i ddin't write an entry perviously for that date: yes, on january 30th i took my 4th shot of testosterone.

i did it myself! i self-injected, and it was fecking easy if ya ask me.

it was much less of a pain/nerve-wracking compared to when the nurse did it. i like doing things myself.

the next appointment, i'm going to self-inject once more in the presence of a nurse, but this time she isn't going to give me instructions, just watch me. and after that, i will have the authorization to get needles + supplies mailed to me. now i won't have to pay for doctor's visits, hurrah!

i posted a voice entry today. my voice has dropped again.

i notice more muscle in my legs, i climb stairs like a maniac, non stop. it might also be since i live on a 5th floor walk-up, the subway stop by my house is 3 flights of stairs, and i continually walk up and down stairs while at work.

i have a bit of a belly, i need to work that off. testosterone can make me gain muscle or fat, it's my choice. i choose muscle, so exercise and discipline must take effect -- immediately.

i notice waves of acne on the sides of my forehead, though this started before i took testosterone. the difference is the quantity of acne; the pistules are tiny and the same size as i would've gotten previously. now i wash my face every night to combat this. i had exceptionally clear skin most of my life, so this must be some effect of T.

last week i noticed a few random zits on my back, which are gone now. before T, i never got zits on my back, as far as i can remember.

what else -- my clitdick is prominent as ever, it is much more pleasurable to wank off now.

2006-02-05T11:55:00.000-05:00

2006-01-31T22:05:00.000-05:00

2006-01-25T20:18:00.000-05:00

2006-01-17T21:20:00.000-05:00

3rd shot of testosterone

2006-01-17T20:43:00.000-05:00

29th day of having testosterone flowing through this body.

just about 4 weeks since my first shot.

3 oh, it's a magic number.

i apologize for not updating sooner.

i apologize to myself and for the future. i want a concise, accurate, and timely recording of my transition. this is only possible if i dedicate myself to posting regularly.

so far, the main changes i notice are:

-balanced mood, more motivation/positive energy

-more likely to verbalize when i am angry or frustrated, i.e. instances on the subway where i am quick to state what i feel: 'okay people, i need to get up the stairs too' (that was when there's a flood of people going down on all sides so that people going up are blocked. so rude. people tend to move once i vocalize the problem, heh)

-clit feels more rigid, like a long bone, feels more present than before. my cunt still gets dripping wet (this is a regular occurence for me, whenever i'm horny, which is often), so that hasn't changed.

-i am more confident to approach guys that i think are hot, or make eye contact. nothing has changed with my attraction to females, except i feel more relaxed around them. not as on edge and nervous as before.

-my voice dropped after the second shot, as you can hear on the phone posts. it happened simultaneously as i had a cold, so that was amusing. to this day i don't know if my throat was hoarse/hurt because of the vocal chords changing, the cold, or both! it felt so natural. like something i've waited for to happen. there was a definite soreness in the throat, even after the cold was long gone. it must've been vocal chords tightening. an odd feeling.

-i have some zits outlining my forehead/sides of face, i don't know whether this is from wearing a hat (which i rarely wash)) at work, or if i need to wash my face more at night, hah. but i don't think it's the big T's fault. i had them before i started. must work on personal hygiene, and stop rubbing face.

well, i'm long overdue for photos of myself. i feel so out-fo-place, like a science experiment, a stranger to myself when taking self-portraits with the digital camera. i always feel like that unless i get into the vain habit of taking photos constantly, so that i'm comfortable and the anxiety is gone and the photos come out alright.

so yes, i normally feel kind of like a science experiment, before this transition genderscrewing business.

i don't allow comments because, well, i don't need them. this is for educational purposes, somewhat political (i have the freedom and right to do this and i hope someday this is accepted more widely, and not stigmatized or frowned upon as a huge crisis. it is only a crisis in a society which makes the options and overall quality of life difficult and unappealing for transgendered/transsexual persons. if we had our rights and respect and acceptance in society, i would hope that the transitioning process would be seen in a much more positive way, rather than how many view it as some drastic or extreme choice.)

if anyone wants to contact me, feel free, my e-mail address is posted on the profile page.

photos in the next post, along with another voice update!

2006-01-08T10:49:00.000-05:00

2006-01-04T23:14:00.000-05:00

2005-12-29T21:12:00.000-05:00

2005-12-25T21:40:00.000-05:00

2005-12-25T21:39:00.000-05:00

it has begun.

2005-12-24T13:37:00.000-05:00

i received the first shot of testosterone on monday, december 19, 2005 sometime that afternoon.

i feel a marked change in my clitdick. it feels stimulated and erect.

it is not a bothersome feeling, but it is intense. a constant buzzing of pleasure. when wanking off (fingering cunt and stroking clitdick) i feel more intense orgasms, and the wave of pleasure afterward sustains. i feel less exhausted after reaching climax compared to before i received the shot.

i feel a bit more balanced and confident. i look the same.

photos to come.